Prank Calling
by duziekat
Summary: What happens when people are bored or just want to get back at someone? well they pass the time buy prank calling all their friends of course. story might be better then summary or it might not only one way to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that the awesome darrren shan made up.**

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Evra: **sigh** Darren I'm soooooo bored. Why didn't I buy that t.v. like I said I would?

Darren: because…um…well you see…yeah why didn't you get one?

Evra: I DON"T KNOW! Why would I ask you if you knew if I already knew why I didn't buy I freakin t.v.? C'mon smart guy, answer me!

Darren: now Evra there's know need to make fun of my intelligence just because Mr. Crepsley bought us cell phones and not your t.v. …oh yeah that's why you didn't get your t.v.

Evra: hmm cell phones are the reason I'm not watching t.v. Them and Mr.Crepsley.

Inside Evra's head: cell phone + Mr.Crepsley no t.v. (Me +cell) + (Mr. Crepsley + cell) pay back

Evra: scary smile on Darren I know something fun that we can do. How about we prank phone call Mr. Crepsley for fun?

Darren: I don't know Evra, he's sleeping right now and you know how mad he gets if he wakes up at noon…and… oh what the heck why not!

**Evra takes out his cell and tries to find which button is for the address book. 5 min. later still searching. Finally found it but can't remember what name he put Mr. Crepsley's cell number on.**

Evra: stupid cell phone that wont let me find Mr. Crepsley's number. It's evil!

Darren: here let me look at it I could probably find it.

Evra gave over his phone all the while glaring at it. Darren did the smart thing and scrolled down through the list of all the address but a name caught his eye. 

Darren: Evra, why do you have Debbie's number?

Evra: Well…um you see… it's a different Debbie, yah that's it you don't know her cuz she moved away from the cirque before you came.

Darren: oh, okay. Well I found Mr. Crepsley's number so hurry up and call him.

Evra: okay here I go.

He here's his phone ring and then off in the distance he hears "I'm a Barbie girl" in the form of a ring tone. He stares where it's coming from, from Mr. Crepsley's trailer. His mouth drops open.

Mr.Crepsley: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT! I'M SLEEPING HERE.

Evra: coughs Larten this is an emergency! The vampaneze have come into Vampire Mountain and killed most of the vampires in their sleep. We need you to come and help us fight them back NOW so hurry up and flit here.

Larten: I'll be on my way!

He ran out of his trailer in nothing but hot pink boxers with blue koalas on them. Darren immediately took pictures of him with his phone and sent it to Gavner , Kurda, Vanez, and everyone else he knew in Vampire Mountain. A few seconds later Mr.Crepsley's phone started playing "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world" he picked it up.

Mr. Crepsley: Hello?

Gavner: And you made fun of my boxers? Everyone knows elephants are way better then koalas. So who gave them to you? Your _boyfriend_?

Mr.Crepsley: No, Debbie gave them to me for Christmas…HEY! What are you doing talking to me when you should be defending the Mountain!

Gavner: What are you talking about? Why would I defend the mountain when there's nothing to defend it from?

Mr. Crepsley: Didn't you get the call about the vampaneze attacking vampire mountain?

Gavner: Larten ole chap I believe you have been the victim of a prank phone call. It was probably Darren who did it since he's the one who sent all of Vampire Mountain the picture of you, or it might not be. I suggest you redial and find out who it was before you kill Darren.

Mr.Crepsley: Well I'm going to try that and then kill Darren so say your respects now for him.

Mr. Crepsley took out a manual on how to use a cell phone and redialed to hear "it's a holly jolly Christmas"

**A/N: please ignore the fact that mr. Crepsley can't read. Thank you.**

Darren slowly turned his head to Evra's phone that was playing an X-mas song and vibrating

Darren: um Evra why do you have a Christmas song playing from your phone if you said you don't believe in Christmas?

Evra: well…um you see…I had a change of heart?

Darren: oh I see, it was because of your Debbie wasn't it?

Mr.Crepsley: Oh he's dating a Debbie too? Well you won't be talking to her for a long time or at least on the cellular phone I bought you. Hand it over Von for this and much more is your punishment for prank calling me.

Evra: Fine then I would rather have a t.v. then a stupid phone anyways so there your punishment doesn't affect me at all! sticks out a long snake tongue

Mr.Crepsley: oh really, your _so_ mature Evra sticking your tongue out like that. rolls his eyes Well then I guess I'll have to do phase two of your punishment now. Darren sit down too. Don't think I've forgotten about you showing everyone that picture of me. Darren bowed his head in defeat and walked away from the door. He sat down next to Evra and gave Mr. Crepsley his phone.

Mr.Crepsley: Now that that's settled I shall start the lecture on how prank calling is wrong, especially if you say that vampaneze are killing my comrades.

Starts a very long and boring lecture that just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on well you get the picture. Darren has a pile of drool on his lap that keeps getting bigger while Evra has his eyes wide open and bug-eyed with his tongue in his nose.

Mr.Crepsley: well I hope you learned your lesson and from now on you won't prank call someone ever again. You're free to leave.

Evra: That's it? Your not going to punish us physically or make us go into the wolf-man's cage or something like that to hurt us.

Mr.Crepsley: no of course not I'm just going to keep your phones for a while.

Evra: but-

Darren: Evra shut it. Thanks Mr. Crepsley you're so merciful.

Mr.Crepsley: I know so run along now and no more pranks okay?

Both boys nodded their head and left.

Mr.Crepsley: hehehe man I can't wait to start prank calling all of my friends starting with Gavner, Koalas so beat elephants duh.

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**Authors note: well that's all folks. If you liked it then please review and if possible give me suggestions for what I should do for Mr.Crepsley's prank on Gavner so it doesn't turn out horrible, or any thing else. If your wondering I hate Debbie Hemlock and think she's cheating on Darren so if you haven't figured it out she's dating both Larten and Evra and Darren too. Gross I know but like I said no likey Debbie so that's the outcome. Remember if you don't help me with the prank then I'll probably take weeks to get the next chapter done cuz I'm a procrastinator if I don't have any ideas. Hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Darren Shan Saga 

**Authors note: thank you everyone who has reviewed! You guys are so nice and non-flame reviewers. Well I originally was going to put this up on Tuesday but since you guys were so nice, and my computer wouldn't let me watch the Naruto videos properly, it is up one day earlier people in background applauds just so people won't get confused I use the star thingy () as showing that someone's doing something if I'm typing in bold around it (ex. right now); I'll just make the letters bold if it's an action in the story where the typing is regular. I use the italics if some one is thinking something. Sorry if it's a bit different from before but I will stand by these ways from now on I promise, if I don't I'll think of a punishment then do whatever it is. Now I would like to thank the person who gave me the idea for this story drum rolls Gunnergirl! Thank you Gunnergirl for the fabulous idea for this story without it I don't think I could've made it this funny (or at least I think it's funny) well thank you those who gave me ideas too but I liked her's the best so here it is!

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Mr. Crepsley: now whose cell should I use for the prank call to Gavner. Well there's only one way to figure it out: e-ny mene miny moe…. And you are it Darren's phone! Yes the vampire gods have let me extract my revenge on both Darren and Gavner! Now I shall start the pay back! **Presses the buttons for Gavner's cell number. Tries out different voices before finally calling**

Gavner: Hello, Gavner Purl speaking.

Mr. Crepsley: **(Using fake voice)** Gavner Purl, YOU have just won a trip to an all paid for expenses trip to an under water hotel with whatever band you want playing! And that's not all! you get free admission to their lovely club of single girls who are looking for a mate who has a great personality and who don't mind loud snoring. So what do you say Gavner would you like to go here?

Gavner: of course I would when do I start packing?

Mr.Crepsley: Now just wait a minute big guy you have to answer one question before you can have the trip. Are you ready?

Gavner: of course! Anything you have I can answer truthfully no matter what!

Mr. Crepsley: Good then you have 3 seconds to truthfully answer this question: Have you ever had an intimate relationship with a guy before?

Gavner: …

Mr.Crepsley: 2 seconds remaining!

Gavner: … **coughs **

Mr. Crepsley: oh and your out of time! If you want that trip your going to have to tell me where and how.

Gavner: …Well you see it was only once with my friend Larten Crepsley, we were sharing a coffin and well I just knocked him out and well I… you know. He's very horny when he's unconscious. Good kisser too, if I had the chance to do it again I would take it but only with him otherwise I'm all for the ladies.

Mr. Crepsley:…**(using real voice)** OH MY GOD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHEN I WAS UNCONSIOUS! I FREAKING TRUSTED YOU WHEN YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GAY. HOW COULD YOU TELL SOME ONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WAS HORNY! OH MY GOD!

Gavner: Larten!… um it's not true? What happened to the guy I was talking to, I want that trip now before you kill me!

Mr. Crepsley: YOU GAY FAGGOT THAT WAS ME! THERE IS NO TRIP! IT WAS ALL MADE UP AS A JOKE.

Gavner: No trip! But I- what about all the ladies who- you suck!

Mr. Crepsley: not as much as you do. OH God I'm going to be sick.** Starts hurling**

Gavner: Larten are you okay? If you want I can flit over there to comfort you.

Mr. Crepsley: **stops hurling **NO! I swear that if you come anywhere near me I will hurt you so bad that your going to die come back alive and die a very painful death again. Do I make myself clear!

Gavner: crystal. But I still l-

Mr. Crepsley: if you say that I will tell the whole mountain that you are gay and I have it recorded so you can't deny it.

Gavner: wait how are you recording this?

Mr.Crepsley: Darren's cell phone can record conversations.

Gavner: then it has it recorded that you are horny and you puking. So you'd have to admit that little secret about yourself.

Mr. Crepsley: I hate you. How about we never talk about this EVER again and get on with our lives.

Gavner: fine but just to be safe I'm getting some one to bury me in a coffin for a month incase you have the sudden urge to kill me. Bye.

Mr. Crepsley: well I'm not going to sleep in a coffin for a while. Now how to erase this recording. **Presses some buttons. **NO! he has a lock on that and I don't know his password. I can't ask him it or else he'll be suspicious and he can't keep a secret! What am I going to do? This would be an excellent time if I was one of those wizards in that book, what was it harer potty? Harket pott? Harry potter? That's it harry potter! Wait why am I thinking of some book when I should be trying to get his password.

(thirty min. later)

Mr. Crepsley: why doesn't he be like a normal person and have his password as his birthday? I've tried everything. Typed in Debbie, Darren , vampire, Evra, cool, and the list of everything he's ever liked. Maybe I should start with things he hates.

Darren walks in on Mr.Crepsley cursing at his phone for being so mean and having a stupid password.

Darren: Mr. Crepsley why are you cursing at my phone? And why do you want to know my password?

Mr. Crepsley: Oh! Um hi Darren. Well I umm… lets go for ice cream!

Darren: Yay ice cream! I want chocolate.

Mr. Crepsley: Well then come on! I'll flit us there. _I can't believe he fell for that._

They flitted to an ice cream parlor.

Mr. Crepsley: so Darren, what would be your password for something, hypothetically speaking of course, for oh I don't know let's say your cell phone?

Darren:** Eating ice cream by stuffing large amounts in his mouth. **oh that's easy it's cell phone.

**A/N: it's more readable if I didn't use grunts and misspelling for Darren.**

Mr. Crepsley: your password is cell phone?

Darren: **nods head**

Mr. Crepsley: I have to go to the bathroom so you can have my ice cream if you want. **Gets up and goes to the men's room. **Hehehe now lets see if this works. **types in cell phone. **Wow it worked now lets see where my recording is… wow Darren has a lot of recorded messages I guess I'll have to here them to see which ones mine.

Record 1:Darren: I like pie. Pie is good. Pie is deffinatly the best food.

Guy: um who is this and why are you calling me?

Darren: because I am your bestest friend in the whole wide world! I luv you!

Guy: um your scarying me so I'm going to go now.

Darren: buh-bye mwhahahahahahahahah

Rec.2 Evra: 'ello Darren? OMG! I lyke have the greatest news. I have a totally new outfit!

Darren: Lyke O my gosh really. How pink is it!

Evra: it's lyke the pinkest of pink and it has my girl Kelly Clarkson on it. **Girly scream of excitement**

Darren:** also screams in excitement **Evra why are we pretending to be prep boys?

Evra: cuz damn it girls like guys who wear pink and act like preps.

Darren: but we sound like prep girls not guys and what about Debbie?

Evra: she's cheating on you man. Can you really believe she still likes you after you didn't say good-bye? Besides she probably told all the girls how horrible you are and you know girls and their gossip. That is why we must act like gay preppy guys. And you need to work on that scream.

End of recording.

Darren: **Walks in to the mens bathroom.** Mr. Crepsley why are you listening to my recordings?

Mr. Crepsley: because Darren if you don't erase every recording in this phone I will tell every vampire in the world how their beloved prince is acting gay for random girls to like him and how he prank calls every one to say he luvs them.

Darren: fine then give me the phone and I'll erase everything.** Takes phone and erase everything in it except the last one that says made today. Gives it back to Mr. Crepsley but puts it to menu instead of recordings.**

Mr. Crepsley: I am going to send this to Kurda so you wont terrorize random people anymore.

Darren: WHAT! Why Kurda? When will I get it back?

Mr. Crepsley: you won't. Kurda has a very bad cell phone that misses a lot of calls so incase something important comes up we know he will get the message.

Darren: I want more ice cream.

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**Authors note: sorry if it wasn't as good as the first but I'm brain dead right now so that affects the story. I'M SO HUNGRY! I didn't eat lunch and I never eat breakfast so that's why my brain go dead. Hope you some what liked the story and I'll try to eat so the third chapters's not so bad. Please review and give me ideas for the 3rd chapter plz!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I wish that I had the stuff from Darren Shan but I don't so now I made myself sad.**

**Authors note: hello people who read this! I'm sorry that I took forever in typing and updating this but in the words of Kakashi sensei ' I got lost on the road of life' for those of you who don't know who he is then I am deeply appalled. Naruto is one of the greatest shows EVER and the world should know of its existence! By the way so I don't get sued or something I no own Naruto cuz if I did Sasuke would have pink hair, gay sorry _gai_ sensei, rock lee (a.k.a. bushy eyebrows), and sakura + some random people I just don't like would all be eaten by the Onbu or something else. So yeah plz no sue or I'll sue back. I wish to thank all those who reviewed cuz they actually reviewed. Thank you GunnerGirl and chibichibichanchi for giving me these ideas so I can use them! Thanks those who gave me ideas too and I really appreciate them! Sorry if the story sucks!

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**Kurda was sitting in his coffin when a vampire stepped into his room.**

Vampire: General Kurda! I have been given a package to deliver to you from Mr. Crepsley. Here it is sir.** Hands him the small cardboard box he was holding.**

Kurda: thank you, you may leave now. _Ooh a package from Larten! I wonder what it is? Only one way to find out._ **He opened the small package by using one of his fingernails to cut open the top of it from the tape.** Hmn a cell phone? Well that's interesting but why did he give me a cell phone? Oh a letter! _Dear Kurda, I have taken away Darren's phone and have given it to you. Please tell everyone that your new cell number is Darren's and that Darren no longer has a cell to call to. Have fun with your new phone! _Oh so this is Darren's phone, I wonder what he has on here!

Kurda spent some time playing Snake 2 on his new phone. After awhile he got frustrated at not being able to beat Darren's high score and decided to see what else he has. He looked through his address book then his speed dial, he was about to just give up finding anything interesting when he found that Darren had 1 recording.

Kurda: I wonder what it says in here if it's the only one. It must be important so I will just have to hear it to see if it's about me.

Kurda starts to listen to the conversation going between Gavner and Mr. Crepsley. When he hears what Gavner said about what he did Kurda's mouth dropped open.

**He just stood there with his mouth wide open, looking like if you just barely pushed him he would fall to the floor. He was like that all the way until the end of the recording. When it finished he stood there then a smile started to tug at his lips and it was all he could manage to not burst out laughing.**

Kurda: Larten is probably scarred for life and Gavner's still looking for someone to bury him, now would be a good time to be a friend and do something to comfort him in his time of rejection from Larten. I have the perfect plan!

Kurda mentally prepares him self and tries on lots of different voices until he had the perfect one. Coughs a few times then grabs the phone and dials Gavner's number. It rings a few times before Gavner picks it up.

Gavner: hello, if you're calling for any other reason besides helping to bury me then please hang up now.

Kurda (with seductive fake voice): Well hello to you too big boy. I just called cuz I heard you liked weak prey, any time, any where, I'm all yours cause I'm sooo ready for you!"

Gavner: u-um l-lis-listen y-you. I-I don't kn-know who you a-are but I- I'm not g-gay so ju-st leave me a-lone.

Kurda: ohh but Gavner, are you saying that you only have eyes for that old bat Larten? What does he have that I don't?

Gavner: well he-he's the on-only one for-for me…wait a min- minute how do you know about me and lar-larten?

Kurda: because my dear sweet Gavner I know everything!

Gavner: Who are y-you!

Kurda: **gasp** HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM! JUST FOR THAT GAVNER PURL I HATE YOU! GOOD-BYE NOW AND FOREVER!

True to his word he turned the cell phone off and went in the fetal position in his coffin to laugh.

**A/N the fetal position I think it's called is when you have your hands linked together and you elbow at the sides of your face. Like I said I _think_ that is what it's called. I guess I should've paid more attention to that policeman when I was in elementary. He came to my elementary to talk about rabid animal safety. Go figure I would ever have to know something from him.**

Gavner: **got over his stuttering** who the hell was he? Why did he want me? I wonder if he was stupid enough to not hide his number with 67? **Looks at his phone** hah he was and it was…DARREN! Darren is secretly in love with me? That would explain how he knew about me and Larten but I'm a bit old for him and I thought he was dating Debbie. I guess he found out that Larten is also dating her and it broke his heart so much that he had to call me, his closes friend. **sniff** I am so honored that I must confront him about this issue! **sniffs and has a tear rolling down his cheek**

Gavner calls darrens cell phone. He suddenly hears "I ain't no holler back girl by Gwen stiffani" echoing off from somewhere in the mountain.

Gavner: hahaha some one has that gay song as a ringtone! They better pick it up soon before someone finds them and makes fun of them. That's odd Darren's not picking up. He must have forgotten his phone somewhere, I guess I should call Larten.

Gavner calls Mr. Crepsley on his cell.

Mr.Crepsley: Gavner I don't want to talk to you so go bury yourself already and don't come out until you're dead!

Gavner: I guess you're still mad at me huh? I said sorry! Besides I don't want to talk to you I just want Darren. I couldn't reach him on his cell phone so can you please get him for me it's important.

Mr. Crepsley: damn right I still hate you! why should I let you talk to Darren? So you could turn him into the dark side against me?

Gavner: no I just need to talk to him about something important. I promise not to corrupt him!

Mr. Crepsley: fine let me get him. DARREN GET YOUR LASY ASS OVER HERE! GAVNER WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! he'll be over here in a few seconds Gavner so remember if you turn him into hating me I'll kill you!

Darren: Gavner what do you want? I'm supposed to be bored with Evra right now so make it quick.

Gavner: Darren there is no need to play dumb! I know it was you who called me a few minutes ago and I just wanted to say it's okay if you're gay! I know that I am one of your closes friends and that I **(dramatic pause)** am like a father too you. I know that it must be tough on you to know that your mentor is going out with Debbie and I know that you really just called me acting that way because you were unloved and you just threw yourself at me. But you and I know that it'll never be. I am a vampire in my 200eds and you are but a half-vampire still not in your 100's! I am sorry for rejecting you but you must understand we are to different and if you must you should go after your friend Evra.

Darren:… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I AM NOT GAY AT ALL! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULD CALL YOU SAYING THAT I WANT YOU JUST BECAUSE MR.CREPSEY'S DATING A GIRL NAMED DEBBIE? I'M CURRENTLY DATING A GIRL NAMED DEBBIE TOO AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION EVRA IS ALSO DATING A DEBBIE! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT I WOULD LIKE EVRA OR LIKE YOU THAT WAY AT ALL! WHO WOULD LIKE AN OLD VAMPIRE LIKE YOURSELF ANYWAYS, ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT SNORE SO LOUD AN AVALANCHE WOULD OCCUR 30 MILES AWAY! IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW I DON'T EVEN HAVE A PHONE ANYMORE SO HOW IN THE WORLD COULD I EVEN CALL YOU! gasping for air now from both lack of oxygen and rage

Gavner:** sniffs** I see. No one really does love me huh? I'm just a smelly old vampire who snores loud. I guess this means that you don't think of me as a father huh?

Darren: **starts to feel sorry for the vampire now** Gavner I-

Gavner: no before you reject me more I must tell you something as your pretend father. Mr. Crepsley is going out with Debbie Hemlock and your friend Evra might also be going out with her too.

Darren: LIES! Debbie wouldn't go out with an old fart like Mr. Crepsley and Evra's my best mate, he wouldn't go and steal my girlfriend! I think that you are a lying old man who snores and has girlfriends with bad taste in boxers. I hate you so go away! **Trying to hold back tears so he has that voice you get when your trying not to cry.**

Gavner: Darren, listen to me, why would I lie to you? I think of you as a young half vampire who would be a great addition to our clan. I only told you so that you wouldn't get hurt more later on. And besides you know I'm telling the truth or else you would have hanged up by now.

Darren: **sigh **yeah I guess you're right. I should have known something was up when she called the hotel we were staying at to talk to Evra for 2 hours and then Mr. Crepsley. You know what she didn't even bother talking to me for 2 months, and that was about the same time both Larten and Evra both talked on the phone for hours every day. Now that I have found this out I am going to extract complete and total chaos on all three of them so I bid you farewell-

Gavner: wait! Who has your cell phone? Someone called me from it.

Darren:…I forgot. Mr. Crepsley sent it to someone but I forgot who cuz I ate some of Mr. Crepsley's Rum Raisin ice cream and I guess that they added actual rum in it. I learned that I can not hold my rum that day. **Shutters **well any way I'm going to go scare Debbie to death, bye!

**Darren hangs up the phone and decides to run over to Debbie's since it was kind of close.**

**A/N: you don't want to know what happened to her. But to sum it up she's…DEAD! Mwhahahahahahahahahhaha cough yeah and well evra and mr. Creplsey were never the same after Darren was through with them. Nope never fully recovered or remembered everything that happened but lets just say they have an immense fear of clowns and other mysterious things used to torture them. Sadly though they have forgotten the reason why they were tortured or who actually tortured them. They also forgot the reason why they know Debbie but they do know that she is evil like the clowns.

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**Authors note: I know I said that this was going to be both gunnergirls and chibichibichanchi's ideas but I'm tired so I'll do that next chapter! So I guess I was right in saying that this chapter sucked and it really wasn't as funny as the last two. Oh well I'll try to wright the next chapter really soon since I already have the idea so bye and review plz.**


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